Oh, no you di'int.

I would just like to point out, on the behalf of women experiencing this everywhere, this handy nugget of information for husbands. It's cool. You can thank me later. Just hand the computer over.

It is not flattering to assume your wife/girlfriend/significant other is pregnant every time she shows one iota of a hint that she may be expecting. If I were pregnant everytime Jeff assumed that I was, we would have our own show on TLC by now and I wouldn't have to time to blog because I would be too busy trying to figure out how to spend all of the exploited-children cash that was coming in. But, I digress. Luckily, my husband does not accurately predict pregnancies, but it does not stop him from asking whenever I experience any of the big signs, including:

A. Nausea - It is possible to suffer from food poisoning, sickness, etc. without having one's uterus occupied. Common misconception. Apparently.

B. Fatigue - Here is a shocker, so prepare yourself. You tire us out. You lose things constantly, and 98% of the time, you are unable to find them, and you come running to us, yelling, "Hoooooooney, I can't find this. Help me look for it," and we respond with, "Well, did you look in the kitchen/living room/most obvious place for it?" and you're all huffy and say, "Yeeeeaah, of course I did, will you help me find it?" and we go look in the very place we referred to and it is sitting right there with a neon sign pointing to it, flashing 'RIGHT HERE!' and you're all "Oh. I could have sworn I looked there. Hunh. Now have you seen...' and the cycle REPEATS ITSELF. ...Oh. Yeah. Also? The kid(s) don't help much either in this department.

C. Weight Gain - Dude, you better not even go there.

D. Moodiness - See B and C. Connect dots.

E. 'Cravings' - Sometimes food just sounds good, mmk? So what if I think the canned cat food smells a little tasty. It's practically tuna fish. Lay off, yo.

As you can see, perfectly logical explanations for the 'proof' that you seem to find so convincing. And as a bonus nugget, when your aforementioned non-pregnant woman answers no when you pop the pregnancy question, it is not a good plan to look at her knowingly and say, "Ohhh. P.M.S."

Unless you have a really comfy couch.  And high pain tolerance.